So I have mind boners for several individuals.  Normal people call this idolization.  I don’t like that word and mind boner is much more accurate.

One of them posted this gem of a post titled “Classic line: “She should like me for who I am”” and it’s the inspiration for today.

I highly recommend you check it out.

Okay so mind boners aside, I just wanted to take a second and say I’m fucking unattractive.  Allow me some bullet points.

  • I dropped out of college with no degree
  • I’m 25(2 weeks from 26) and have no car
  • I have no full time job– because I’m lazy (for about 7 of the past 11 months) and stubborn (for the remaining 4 of the past 11 months of being technically unemployed)
  • I was in college for like… fuck 6 years(?!?!? Yes really..) before I did drop out
  • I make basically enough money to support myself and sometimes not even that much
  • I still have toys.  Kind of a lot of them.  Most of which were bought in the past 3 years, before my financial hardships.

And I sit here and have the audacity to wonder “how did it go wrong?” with my recent ex!

Ridiculous right?  Worse than that, lack of funding slaughters my confidence and so I have issues getting laid.  Okay, not huge ones, I’m sexy as fuck in the looks department and can lay on the charm pretty thick but when it counts, when it’s a girl I really like (like my recent ex), I fail out and yet don’t have the balls to just say “hey this is a bad idea, let’s reschedule”.  This post is a reflection of a change there though.  Fuck dating.

Despite that, I’m happy.  If you read that post, he talks a lot about his guy friends who whine about not being able to attract girls.  I really don’t have that issue, amazingly.  I get it.

I’m not attractive and so I don’t really try.  Girls find me, we go on dates and i become a placeholder.  I’m the in-between guy until she finds someone she’s really keen on.  I want more but, without the rest of my life in order, I’m not surprised at all to find girls never stay.  What else would I expect?!?!?

My recent ex, well… I forgot I’m just the placeholder.  I thought I was more so I visited for a week.  And I wasn’t confident.  And it went horribly!

So know your place, guys and gals!  If you’re not attractive, then change it or resign to it.  In my case, I’m an aspiring entrepreneur.  HUGE on aspiring.  I make bits of money here and there but nothing solid and not consistently (that old laziness is a problem).  My “someday” is still coming.  It’s getting sharper and sharper in focus.  And I’m about to launch a thing but my life (and how I rationalize my lack of regular employment) is almost like a self-assigned punishment.  Until I get this area of my life handled, I don’t deserve the kind of love I want.

Ultimately it’s kind of stupid though, don’t you think?  I mean, to do a lot of what I want would just require a simple job application.  Several businesses near my home–literally across the street in one case–are hiring, the neighbor offered to hook me up at his job out of the blue and the money would be nice.  So why don’t I?  Why don’t I “put my time in” like everybody else?  Arrogance, laziness, and this persistently annoying thought of “I don’t have to”.

If that makes you mad, wait until I actually make it.  Or end up homeless.  Really these are the only two ways this life track shakes out…


“To me, the extraordinary aspect of martial arts lies in its simplicity.  The easy way is also the right way, and martial arts is nothing at all special; the closer to the true way of martial arts, the less wastage of expression there is.”  –Bruce Lee

I’m watching industry leaders.  And I’m constantly saying “I can do better than them.”  It may just be youthful bravado.  Or it maybe because they are horribly incompetent.

Let’s look at this fucking guy.

He actually writes pretty well.  But even a good writer can have stupid ideas.  I’ll spare you the time, it’s a fine enough piece until he he makes this gem of a conclusion:

[…]I didn’t begin to grasp the full scope of either art until 8, 10, maybe 12 years of dedicated study in each one.   If you are jumping from art to art, spending only two or three years with each, it is no wonder you think no martial art style has everything. It may, but you just never gave it the chance.

Did you read that?  Are you mad?  You should be.  This fucking guy says ‘you should give a style a chance to show you all it has to teach’ and that this “giving it a chance” phase should last at least 10 years.  I’m a top performer, I’m pretty good at dating, and I drive pretty regularly.  I don’t need to stay at a job, date a girl, or drive a car for 10 years before I get a whole picture of what it is (and can tell if it’s a terrible fit).  If a style takes that long to teach you a critical part of combat then you’re either incredibly stupid or that style is entirely wasting your time.

Are you kidding me?   Just give it 8 – 10 years of your precious, limited life, before you go off and innovate and create a new blend that, yea we’ve probably seen before but won’t waste 8 fucking years of your life on stupid bullshit–which is all those styles do.

Sorry kids, I believe in something far better.

Let’s talk about Circumcision.  I am not circumcised.  I live completely naturally and have an amazing dick.  Not only do I think so (a feat every man seems able to accomplish) but it has gotten similar ratings from multiple women all with extremely varied personalities. This, I assume, only means that it is indeed at least as amazing as I make it out to be.

So I know there are thousands of folks out there who have already weighed in on this.  There are sound (logically, I have no idea if they are sound medically) medical arguments from both sides.  I’ve been told once I hit 40 I’ll face all sorts of extreme problems with my amazing little HUGE guy.  I’ve also been told, by another doctor, mind you, that so long as I pay it more attention than your average guy has to during my hygiene routines that I’ll be fine.  This is of course no problem for me as I seem to have penis narcissism.

While there are many people out there weighing in and while there may be a huge debate about it on the internet, how many of these people are actually uncut?  Based on my research (I briefly considered googling and then decided the flood of dick pix that undoubtedly brings just wasn’t worth it so I got cheetos instead) we don’t really get the natural man’s opinion and so here I am.  This is both my duty and my calling.  I have to share with you what it’s like to have an amazing, uncut dick.  You’re excited?  You should feel my nipples!

For whatever reason, jews thought god was awesome.  I can jive with that.  I think the flying spaghetti monster is awesome too.  Now as jews went about their religious life and such, they began trying to find ways to worship properly.  Soon they wanted to sacrifice something to show how much they believed in god.  At some point, Jeff the jew (I assume, that’s a pretty jewish name) piped up and said, “I KNOW, let’s cut off the tip of our dicks and offer that to him!”  Now, I have nothing against jews.  I get my news from a jew.  But I really have to question Jeff the jew and all the other jews who NEVER QUESTIONED HIM.  Who thinks that’s a good idea?  Yeah, he’ll totally love this bunch of dick skin we’re sending him.  I wish someone would cut off the tip of their dick for me.  That would just make my day…

Maybe jeff got made fun of.  I can sorta understand that I guess.  But the more logical conclusion is that the jewish people have some pretty fucked up views on god.  “He totally wants our dick skins or he’ll send us to hell.”  That’s super weird.  Moving on.

What it is
Circumcision refers to cutting the foreskin of the cock off.  The foreskin is a protective covering over the glans of the penis.  Look it up if you need more.  It usually occurs close after birth… About 1 – 2 days after birth.  Great start to life: “Hey son, welcome to the world, now smile real big cuz this is going to hurt.”

What it’s like to have an amazing dick
Now, I won’t attribute all of my dick’s amazingness to just being uncut.  I got a great size, not too big or small and I know exactly how to work it.  But I think the uncut look helps.  I like to look at it.  Thusly, I spend much of my time naked.  Win for the human race right there, I look dope naked.  Others apparently like to look at it also as I became a professional nude model in record time according to the lady I worked for.

Having an uncut dick is pretty awesome.  Here are the cons.
CON: Most guys can simply shake their cock after they pee and be ready to go.  My foreskin likes to hang onto some pee so I have to sorta milk my cock so I don’t have that annoying dribble that runs down your leg.
CON: strange white bits of stuff tend to end up in there after sex.  I assume it’s cum and such, while not a huge issue if left for very long it begins to irritate my delicates–red and itchy.
CON: Few men (in america) have foreskin so you’ll freak out and think you have STD’s when it’s really just some aspect of being uncut.. like the previous con.
Half-CON: Lint will occasionally get trapped in the entrance, so I have more in common with a dryer than most people.  Which looks impeccable on a resume.
CON: Increased risk of STI’s and UTI’s.  According to some very suspect studies, there are increased risks for these, particularly AIDS and HPV.  Using a condom will cut down on both but HPV isn’t transmitted just sexually so that is a threat regardless of circumcision status.  Also, I’ve never had an UTI or STI during my whole 25 yrs on this planet and numerous partners (not always safe, so I’m lucky).

And now the Pros:
PRO: Sex could be better.  According to some article I can’t remember now, there are extra estrogen receptors in the foreskin that mean I respond better to a female who orgasms.  Win win for everyone right?  Also it could make me more sensitive and thereby make sex more enjoyable for me.
PRO: Women don’t really notice.  When they do, it’s not that bad.  One particularly fond memory and I had sex a few times before I mentioned something about it.  She immediately went down to investigate and then was amused by the novelty of it.  Win win again.
PRO: It will amuse YOU.  While most men seem to have no trouble playing with their cocks, I have something extra to fiddle with.  Sexual or not, it’s fun to mess with my foreskin.  It’s remarkably stretchy since it has to accommodate me getting hard.  Can you even imagine the fun I’ve had with this?  It’s kinda like having my own silly putty.  I can stamp a newspaper onto it.  I can even hold my dick and whip the foreskin around really fast to create a small fan in an emergency.  ENDLESS possibilities.
PRO: It makes fun noises.  Since I am naked so often, my cock swings freely.  Moving down the stairs quickly enough makes a satisfyingly amusing smack sound as the foreskin hits my thigh.
PRO: It keeps you hygienic.  Now, not saying I’d be a swamp thing if it wasn’t for my foreskin (I would be) but it does give me extra incentive to be clean.  If I don’t clean it, it starts to get irritated after roughly a day.  Cleaning is easy, pull foreskin back (which makes it so I’m virtually circumcised anyway) apply soap, gently rub and rinse thoroughly.

So now, and in the future, think about circumcision.  In fact, for you ladies and gay men out there, this is a great pick up line.  “Are you circumcised?  No?  Well let me see it.”  And if you like the looks, take it out for a spin.  If it’s anything like my amazing dick, you’ll be glad you listened to me.  I have no clue why my parents never got me cut, but I thank them for not doing that at least every week.

I love marketing.  I know the power of a good title.  In business terms, you want to encapsulate your prospect’s deepest emotional want into the name while promising a result.  The best example I’ve ever seen is
“Double your dating”.
There’s also
“5 hour energy”.
“I will teach you to be rich”.
“Earn 1K on the side.”

It gets the entire idea across instantly, doesn’t it?  It also promises results.  Double your dating?  Well you can imagine what that would look like.  It’d be amazing wouldn’t it?  To go from say… dating one girl a year to 2 girls a year… well that’s actually a pretty big difference.  Earn $1K on the side?  That’s actually a life changing amount of money.  Just $1,000 extra say.. over 2 months.  Really different isn’t it?

I just saw an ad for a product called “stealth seduction”.  It was a video pitch with a darkly themed little page.  I didn’t listen to the pitch.  I didn’t need to.  The title got it all across.

First off, redundant.  Seduction already implies an element of stealth since it’s defined as “[to] attract (someone) to a belief or into a course of action that is inadvisable or foolhardy”.  If you’re not stealthy, then the seduction won’t work.

Second and much more importantly, the type of guy who sticks around for that may possibly be able to actually get a girl or two but people don’t stay tricked forever… and there’s only a certain type of girl who can be seduced that way or at all.  Wouldn’t it be better to actually be attractive?  Instead of tricking girls into being attracted, you’re just being who you are.  Silly product.  Alright name (although notice how no result is actually promised?) but a bad approach.  But I’m sure a lot of insecure little boys will buy it.  Insecure people are very suggestible, after all.

Ha, maybe that’s what it’s selling.  Dupe.. err I mean SEDUCE other insecure little boys into buying this thing that doesn’t really work.

It’s wrong.  For anyone who buys, they won’t get what they actually want.  And that’s bad business.  May you fail miserably as a business, Stealth Seduction.  That fate would already be too good for you.

For the longest time I’ve been scared.  I’ve had that chronic kinda stress that just became part of the background noise, that kind of heavy, oppressive noise that you eventually adapt to and treat as your environment.  It’s normal.  Again, my luck isn’t changing.  Nothing is changing but me.

I’ve had this metaphor before, but I’m remembering how to let go.  And in letting go I’m remembering an ultimate zen-ny, hippy crap truth: there is a situation and there are your feelings about it.  Nothing is really bad or good.  A lion eats a zebra, bad for the zebra?  Sort of. But if the lion didn’t, the zebras would overrun their environment and would doom themselves to starvation.  No, bad and good are feelings and judgments about a situation.  They aren’t the situation.

The hardest thing for me is letting go.  Paradoxically, this is the only way to really escape.  I remember these words now.  It is like I’m in a world of darkness, I can see nothing but my own body, and a rope that I’m clinging too.  The darkness looks encompassing, forbidding and endless below me.  But eventually, I just let go.  All anxiety drains away, all fears, everything that isn’t me.  You aren’t your emotions or your thoughts.  I slip closer to what I really am.  Letting go leaves only a few possibilities.  I will slam into something hard and painful.  I will slam into something after enough of a fall that it will kill me.  I will slam into something soft and safe.  I will not slam into anything and will be caught by some unseen predator in the darkness… or maybe an unseen hero.  Maybe I’ll find another rope, it doesn’t matter.  I let go.  And I become who I am.  Hanging to the rope was anathema.  Stress, anxiety, resultant health problems from the first two, a few grey hairs… that’s what comes from holding the rope.  But letting go, it no longer matters.  I’m free from those things.  I can enjoy the fall, the wind rushing by me, the sullen freedom, the lack of knowing what will happen as I plunge- and I find peace.

Let go of your rope, cikala hay.

If there’s some great manda, or some place where the dead go, some way for my old man to still get a message to me-I want it to be/believe it to be “everything will always and forever be ok”.  No matter what, even in death, it’ll be okay, son.  And it will be.  Whatever happens to me, financial ruin-pennilessness, bank account $0 or worse, I’ll be okay.  “I’m ruined/fucked/never going to make it” is a story.  But I have $20 to my name is a fact.  I can deal with facts.  And I will be okay.  No matter what.

Thanks dad.

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